Title: Is There A Reason?
Author: Suz - suzie@standard.net.au
Date: 20 Oct 99

Disclaimer: Not mine - creative huh?

Dedication: To all the groovy funky chunks out there!

Summary: In life we make choices, often they are the wrong choices.
And those are the ones that are hardest to deal with. Sometimes you
wish that you could turn back the clock and just say one word
differently. Or do one thing a second sooner. But we can't. The only
way we can do this is in our dreams.

~*~*~*
Is There A Reason?
By Suz
~*~*~*

Humph, another day. More water. I'm so sick of the goddamn water out
here, it's the same over and over and over again. I wonder why I
actually bother to keep going. Why I don't just turn back and try
again. Why I don't go back and make up for the things that I did
wrong. To do thing differently. Just to, give things a second chance.
I think nearly everyone deserves a second chance. I think I do. I did
so much good, but a lot of bad too.
I wish I knew how to listen. How to follow orders, or even just to
take advice. I think everyone should know how to take advice, or,
better yet, follow advice. It's often the best thing to do. Just to
listen. Take it in. I never did that.
I wish I could go back.
I wish I never left. Left her, like that. Crying, upset. She must hate
me for it. She must resent me for it. Think she'll ever take me back?
Or even just take me in the first place? I wish she would. I hope that
she will one day, if I ever go back.
I wonder if they'd accept me back. It's not like I left on bad terms
or anything. I left them as friends, we were all still friends. So
close, but yet we were so different in some ways. As different as
black and white, or night and day.
I think that's why it worked between us, her and me you know?
Opposites attract. Isn't that the saying? It's so bloody true. I was
attracted to her for years. I don't think she ever knew it though. I
don't think I let her know. Not until it was too late, till I was
leaving. Till I said good-bye. I wonder if I'll ever see her again.
I have so many things to say to her. So many last words. Most people
ask for just one more minute. I'd never fit it all in not in just one
minute anyway. I'd need about a thousand. There are too many things to
take back that I'd said that pissed her off. That gave her the shits,
yet she forgave me time and time again.
I wish I could go back.
I wonder if there is a reason why I left. I know that at the time it
was right. Then, but not now. If I went back I'd never leave her
again. Never. I couldn't do it to myself, or her. I love her.
That's the first time I've ever said that out loud. I love her. I
can't stop saying it, I have to scream it now. I LOVE HER, I LOVE HER,
I LOVE HER. But does she love me? I hope so.
I don't think I've ever felt this deeply about anyone ever before. Not
like this anyway. Not with such a respect and... admiration that I
have for her. She is so powerful, so in control. Always. Never
faltering, well hardly ever. Only on a rare occasion did she break
down or lose it completely. And when she did no one was allowed to
see, no one. Especially not me. Definitely not me. I think she said
once that it was a "girl thing, a power thing" something I'd never
understand. I think I understood more than she gave me credit for.
Working with her day in day out for years and years. I learnt more
about her than I think anyone else ever did or could. I think I was
lucky that way. I wish I knew more.

There's just so much space out here. I hate it, and I love it. Is it
possible to be able to love and hate something at the same time? I did
with her so many times. But then it was never real hate was it? But
you can't *really* hate something unless you love it first. It's
impossible. I learnt that from experience.
Everything always comes back to her. I think I'll go back and just
see. See if I *can* have that second chance. I wonder will she give it
to me. Will she let me love her? Will I let me love her?
What will the others think? Bugger the others. They can get stuffed
for all I care. Because I love her. Don't ask me why. Does there have
to be a reason? Is there a reason?

= THE END =

Authors Notes: This is actually in response to the much answered
challenge "write how Frank comes back" did you guess? I know he didn't
actually go back in it, but he still is... does that count?

Groove your feedback to me: suzie@standard.net.au